I'm finally addressing the catastrophy aka my house. After 3 months of sickness, I had literally been well for like 5 days before David cheated on me. Before that, he helped clean the house 1 time in all the time I was sick. I got my 10yr. old to help some, but her efforts were better placed on her brother since he's really energetic. Well, I've been reading some of my old posts. They've been helping me break through the dark veil I've been under for a while now. Remembering how happy I was for the first several months of this year is enough to make me want to get it back. So, I began cleaning. I knew what would happen. I wouldn't be distracted enough from my analytical thoughts.
A a couple summers ago, David and I left our kids with their godparents so we could have a couple days out of town for our anniversary. There was no romance at all....it was that time of month and we couldn't plan the trip at any other time. I thought at least we'd hang out together the whole time, but David would get up before the crack of dawn (he was coming down from 3rd shift) and go to breakfast w/o me. I became agitated and told him my thoughts. I said, "David, do you ever feel like our relationship has lost its passion?I mean here we are on our anniversary vacation and we're doing things alone. What if we're losing the spark?" He said, "Or you could look at it this way. Maybe this is the next step in marriage. We are comfortable w/o all the romance and we don't have to have so many conversations b/c we've had so many. We're just comfortable being together." I bought his words. I should have trusted my instincts....always. I'm super intuitive and I felt like something was happening then...I should've trusted it. Sooner or later things come back to bite you in the ass. Oh well.