I'm finally addressing the catastrophy aka my house. After 3 months of sickness, I had literally been well for like 5 days before David cheated on me. Before that, he helped clean the house 1 time in all the time I was sick. I got my 10yr. old to help some, but her efforts were better placed on her brother since he's really energetic. Well, I've been reading some of my old posts. They've been helping me break through the dark veil I've been under for a while now. Remembering how happy I was for the first several months of this year is enough to make me want to get it back. So, I began cleaning. I knew what would happen. I wouldn't be distracted enough from my analytical thoughts.
A a couple summers ago, David and I left our kids with their godparents so we could have a couple days out of town for our anniversary. There was no romance at all....it was that time of month and we couldn't plan the trip at any other time. I thought at least we'd hang out together the whole time, but David would get up before the crack of dawn (he was coming down from 3rd shift) and go to breakfast w/o me. I became agitated and told him my thoughts. I said, "David, do you ever feel like our relationship has lost its passion?I mean here we are on our anniversary vacation and we're doing things alone. What if we're losing the spark?" He said, "Or you could look at it this way. Maybe this is the next step in marriage. We are comfortable w/o all the romance and we don't have to have so many conversations b/c we've had so many. We're just comfortable being together." I bought his words. I should have trusted my instincts....always. I'm super intuitive and I felt like something was happening then...I should've trusted it. Sooner or later things come back to bite you in the ass. Oh well.
Saving My Life
Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.
It sounds to me like you have wrapped your head around this David issue pretty thoroughly. It also sounds like the doctor(s) figured out what was wrong with you. What was it and are you totally okay now?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm pretty much better now. I think I may need one more round of antibiotics b/c I feel just a little twinge of pain in one of my lymphnodes but no one ever figured out really what it was.....just a super massive infection.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that I have my head wrapped around the David situation. I still love him...there's a lot there. I go back and forth. It's hard. Taking it one day at a time...pacing myself. :)
Baby;
ReplyDeleteI so feel for you. I went through about 15 years of apathy with my husband when I finally snapped. I knew my worth all along but he wouldn't recognize it. He just picked, picked, picked at me making me feel inadequate, that all the good things about me were bad things that needed fixing like my sense of humor, loving heart, and intelligence. He was threatened by me. I saw that finally. Now that I'm on my own, I have never be so much in love with myself and my life and realizing that I will be in love again--no doubt, but I will never look for my worth in his eyes. I will always know my worth, but he must appreciate it. You too, honey. I know you're getting it. It comes sometimes in bits and pieces and then there's a huge aha! And you can never go back once you truly see the reality. There's strength in that and you get pride in yourself for standing up for yourself finally. I love you and wish you that realization.
Hey Kim, I heard someone say something the other day about the person cheated on, and I think it's relevant here, so I will repeat it.
ReplyDeleteYou have to get to the place where you can trust again...until then you will go back over every conversation you had and wonder when did the lies start. That to move on you have to say "I have or had no control over that person...and whatever else happened I know that I WAS REAL. I was honest."
You can't control other people. Only you.
You kept yourself honest and true. You did great. His lies are his and are no reflection of you, only his own flawed character...it could have been you, or anyone that he lied to.
Hugs.
I'm not sure how to trust again. That's a hard one.
ReplyDelete