My Husband Cheated On Me

Yeah....he did. We got into an argument over me wanting him to wear his wedding ring. He never wears it b/c he can't at his place of work. I just thought it'd be nice to see him wearing it for once. He got pissy about it. I tried talking to him, but he just flew into rage....mocking me as he did. It's hard to get me really mad....,but watch out when you do. I might just throw a book at you...yes....I threw Eat, Pray, Love at David. It was only a paperback....I swear.

He came after me...told me he would beat my ass if I was going to start bringing it on like a man.....he bent back my hand....it hurt. He told me he was leaving and took a shower. I hid his keys b/c I didn't want him to drive while he was so angry....he drives stupid when he's angry....I was also hoping to resolve the fight. Stupid me...should have given him his damn keys...or maybe I shouldn't have given them back at all. He wouldn't budge so I gave him his keys. He was pretty pissed about the key thing, so naturally he went to a couple towns over to have some fun. Apparently the going rate for BJ these days is 20 dollars....for five minutes. I'm very cross about this....I was giving them free....perhaps I could have made a little money.Hindsight is 20/20 they say. (sigh)

   He was gone for over 24 hours. He always leaves me to pick up the pieces. My daughter....wondering where her Daddy is. Thanks for nothing asshole. I waited.......

and I waited.....

                                  and waited.....

At 2 am I was in the driveway looking up at the stars....listening to sad music...crying...b/c I was worried...and actually wanted him home. I stayed out there until 4 am. Then I fell asleep listening to music in his recliner.

Finally......he rolled in at about 5am. I started out by saying, "David, things got way out of hand and we need to work it out." He said he had only had about 3 hours of sleep within 24 hours...and we should talk later. We got in bed and I rolled him over and asked, "Did you screw around on me?". He said, "Why?" I said, "B/c you were very mad and gone for a good while." He said, "No." Fifteen minutes later he got out of bed and I asked him why he couldn't sleep. He used the bathroom....then ran into me in the dark hallway. He said, "Kim....I'm sorry....I did." I started crying. I told him to go outside with me b/c I didn't want the kids to hear. I slapped him in the face. Tears rolled down his face....he said he'd go to his Daddy's. I told him hell no....he would not bail on me this time. Then he begged me to slap him again....so I did. He told me to do it more....and I declined. I had never slapped anybody in the face before....or even thrown a book at somebody before. I've never thrown a punch in my life. He deserved to be slapped....I think.

   I left for a while just to try to make sense of all this. I got breakfast...and coffee. I called my Mom and Dad....funny thing. Then my two closest friends. I cried a lot.....a LOT. I came home and David went to bed since he's on 3rd shift right now. I was outside talking on the phone. There's a mirror outside...I don't know why....but I just looked into it....and barely recognized me. But, then....I thought..."She's pretty." I know that now. It's not me....it's him. I told him he's always made me feel like I should feel lucky to be married to him. I told him...Today...I know....I deserve better than you.

I'm going to tell him to go stay at his dad's house until I know whether or not I love him enough to save this....whatever the hell you call it. He told me he still wants me.....I think he needs time to think about that.

   Tonight my friend Amy is coming over to spend the night. She's bringing my favorite wine. I'm going to the store beforehand....I want a boxing bag....so I can tape David's face to it.

It's not me......it's him....duh. What an effing revelation.

I put my hand on his chest....got close to his face....while tears streamed down both of our faces. I said, "I wanted you....all of YOU....this (pointing to his heart)....I tried to get you to open up....but...you wouldn't. I was willing to do whatever you wanted in bed....whenever....and you paid a cheap whore instead. I wanted all of you. I endured you putting me down....making me feel shitty. I was sick...and you weren't very supportive....yet, I'm still here. We even worked out some of our biggest problems. I've tried...and you chose a cheap whore over me."

I need time to think....