Saving My Life

Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Husband Cheated On Me

Yeah....he did. We got into an argument over me wanting him to wear his wedding ring. He never wears it b/c he can't at his place of work. I just thought it'd be nice to see him wearing it for once. He got pissy about it. I tried talking to him, but he just flew into rage....mocking me as he did. It's hard to get me really mad....,but watch out when you do. I might just throw a book at you...yes....I threw Eat, Pray, Love at David. It was only a paperback....I swear.

He came after me...told me he would beat my ass if I was going to start bringing it on like a man.....he bent back my hurt. He told me he was leaving and took a shower. I hid his keys b/c I didn't want him to drive while he was so angry....he drives stupid when he's angry....I was also hoping to resolve the fight. Stupid me...should have given him his damn keys...or maybe I shouldn't have given them back at all. He wouldn't budge so I gave him his keys. He was pretty pissed about the key thing, so naturally he went to a couple towns over to have some fun. Apparently the going rate for BJ these days is 20 dollars....for five minutes. I'm very cross about this....I was giving them free....perhaps I could have made a little money.Hindsight is 20/20 they say. (sigh)
   He was gone for over 24 hours. He always leaves me to pick up the pieces. My daughter....wondering where her Daddy is. Thanks for nothing asshole. I waited.......

and I waited.....

                                  and waited.....

At 2 am I was in the driveway looking up at the stars....listening to sad music...crying...b/c I was worried...and actually wanted him home. I stayed out there until 4 am. Then I fell asleep listening to music in his recliner.

Finally......he rolled in at about 5am. I started out by saying, "David, things got way out of hand and we need to work it out." He said he had only had about 3 hours of sleep within 24 hours...and we should talk later. We got in bed and I rolled him over and asked, "Did you screw around on me?". He said, "Why?" I said, "B/c you were very mad and gone for a good while." He said, "No." Fifteen minutes later he got out of bed and I asked him why he couldn't sleep. He used the bathroom....then ran into me in the dark hallway. He said, "Kim....I'm sorry....I did." I started crying. I told him to go outside with me b/c I didn't want the kids to hear. I slapped him in the face. Tears rolled down his face....he said he'd go to his Daddy's. I told him hell no....he would not bail on me this time. Then he begged me to slap him I did. He told me to do it more....and I declined. I had never slapped anybody in the face before....or even thrown a book at somebody before. I've never thrown a punch in my life. He deserved to be slapped....I think.
   I left for a while just to try to make sense of all this. I got breakfast...and coffee. I called my Mom and Dad....funny thing. Then my two closest friends. I cried a lot.....a LOT. I came home and David went to bed since he's on 3rd shift right now. I was outside talking on the phone. There's a mirror outside...I don't know why....but I just looked into it....and barely recognized me. But, then....I thought..."She's pretty." I know that now. It's not's him. I told him he's always made me feel like I should feel lucky to be married to him. I told him...Today...I know....I deserve better than you.
I'm going to tell him to go stay at his dad's house until I know whether or not I love him enough to save this....whatever the hell you call it. He told me he still wants me.....I think he needs time to think about that.
   Tonight my friend Amy is coming over to spend the night. She's bringing my favorite wine. I'm going to the store beforehand....I want a boxing I can tape David's face to it.

It's not's him....duh. What an effing revelation.

I put my hand on his close to his face....while tears streamed down both of our faces. I said, "I wanted you....all of YOU....this (pointing to his heart)....I tried to get you to open wouldn't. I was willing to do whatever you wanted in bed....whenever....and you paid a cheap whore instead. I wanted all of you. I endured you putting me down....making me feel shitty. I was sick...and you weren't very supportive....yet, I'm still here. We even worked out some of our biggest problems. I've tried...and you chose a cheap whore over me."
I need time to think....


  1. Leave, Kim. Leave leave leave leave leave. Don't look back.

    [He] told me he would beat my ass if I was going to start bringing it on like a man.....he bent back my hand
    This is not okay. This is not an environment your kids need to be in. I haven't commented in a long time because I couldn't think of anything respectful and encouraging to say to you about the situation you were in and the way he was treating you, but I can't this time. He physically abused you. He threatened you. He cheated on you and put you at risk for God only knows what kinds of sexually transmitted illnesses. Why? Because he was MAD? I'll say it again: This is not okay.

    He's been emotionally abusive and withdrawn for a long time. He doesn't want to change, or he would have worked on it already. Get away. Get your kids in a better situation.

  2. Kim, I am not going to tell you what you need to do. you will know when the time is right. I think the revelation that it's hiim and not is correct. Then you need to ask yourself what it is that makes you think he should be able to talk to you like this or treat you like this. I wouldn't want you to chuck the whole thing until you pinpoint what the issue is exactly. What is it about this relationship is validating what you think about yourself. What do you think you deserve, and if you were someone you loved your children. Step outside yourself for a minute...If you were someone like that...and someone did to them what he did to you. What would you Hope they would realize, what would you hope they would do?
    Cheating doesn't 'just happen' because someone is angry. I am so sorry.
    This must be hell. And of course you looked in the window and didn't recognize yourself. Your true self would never allow it.
    Hugs, get people around you that love you.

  3. Kim, I would offer up some advice, but I am just going to ditto what Chris said. She gives excellent advice. ((Hugs))

  4. I am so sorry about all of this. I will pray for you....that you will be able to make the absolute best decisions for you and your children in this situation.

  5. I have no wise advice to give. I think all of the prior comments have plenty of merit. You will know the right thing to do when it's time. Because if you choose the wrong thing you will know it in your heart. Blow off some steam tonight.

  6. NO ONE deserves that and I am so sorry to hear that it all happened. It sounds like you know what to do in your heart. The time away will help you think.

  7. ((hugs)) to you. I'm thankful you have a few good friends to lean on. I pray your strength and healing.

  8. Baby;
    I can so relate to what you're going through, except in my case, there was no loving feelings whatsoever from my husband for probably 15 years. He was cold and nasty and critical and withdrawn and it was just like he was cheating on me. No love at all is a death. I finally woke myself up and turned off my feelings too and I am going through a divorce now. I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. Life holds promise now. I get my own life, my own way, and have found there are men who are thrilled at the prospect of having me. I am worth it. You are more than worth it, honey. You don't have to be with someone who cannot appreciate what he has. Stay mad. Stay tough. Protect yourself. You are your children's mom and you set the example of how to be treated.

  9. I've never commented before. It's hard to tell someone to just get out when there are so many emotions involved. I know you love him. However...there are kids there...and he just threatened to beat your ass. That's not ok. If you choose to stay because you love him, just be aware of what he's capable of. But for God's sakes, don't be fighting around the children. A rage could lead to them getting injured, too. And none of you deserve that. I hope you know and believe that you and your children are worthy of something better.

  10. this happened to me about 10 years ago, it changed my relationship, I stayed and I got stranger. I don't think I would stay if I were to do it over again, but it made me a stronger more independent human being. I know what you are feeling.

    Leave... Just go ... you deserve better

  11. Even Jesus said "Lewd conduct is a separate case" when it came to marriage. Free yourself of this abusive, racist, dirty-living, unappreciative man, please. I know we don't know each other that well, and I have no right to chime in with my opinion...but I think you deserve to be happy and fulfilled and RESPECTED and truly loved. He is not made of that material.

  12. Thanks for the comments guys. I'll be writing another blog soon.

  13. I am sorry that you are going through this terrible time.
    My heart is breaking for you!

  14. My name is Mr Cardenas,my wife was having affair with a senior secretary in her office. I love this woman so much that i would not want to share her with any body. i told her to retire from the job and i would take care of all her needs but she would take it because she is been embraced by everybody in her office, this normally leads to quarrel every-time. i tried all i can to please her and she will promise to be good , some days later she will turn back to her normal way.
    i was nearly loosing out, i could not focus in my job, my whole life was full of sorrow and i was thinking i should kill the other man my self and put an end to all this until i saw a testimony from a blog on how DR EDIONWE could cast a love spell to bring lovers back no matter what is behind the disappointment. so i decided to write him via email. and now all my wishes are exactly as i wanted. She told me everything that has happened secretly in the past and i forgave her as DR EDIONWE instructed me to and she loves me and care for me as i ever wanted. i know there are many spells that do not work but i want to assure all you out there no matter what you have been trough to have faith and believe that this is the final solution to your problem.
    Even if my job is taking most of my time, the little free time i have , i will share the good news to everyone in the world because i know that with love brings happiness and hope for a long life.

  15. We now leave as a happy family with the help of the great priest omigodo who helped me with a love spell to get my husband back from another woman in just 2days contact priest omigodo via email: or call priest omigodo on +2348079367204

  16. My passion for love and life has made me to take to the Internet to
    warn Internet users particularly those in search of solution to their
    problems to beware of and avoid comments about spell caster that can
    use their magical power in helping you out with your problems. I don't
    want anyone to be fooled because i was a victim of this fraudsters
    who claimed to be spell casters. I am Wimberly William and i was having
    a difficult time in my relationship as my wife couldn't give birth to a
    child. Although my wife and i loved each other very much as it were.We kept on
    hoping and for 6 years there weren't any sign of breakthrough .As days
    goes by,i will always weep because at that time i was really down.
    Even though my wife tried to always be by my side,only time would
    tell as we couldn't cope with pressure coming from friends and she had to leave
    me for another man. I was now left to face my problem alone even
    though my mom would always talk to me and console me on phone. Things
    went from bad to worse when i was sacked from the private organization
    i was working because been happily married was a criteria that was
    needed and that i was now lacking owing to my failure to have a child that has made my
    wife leave me for another man leaving me single. I kept on
    searching and hoping i would find a solution to my problem but there
    wasn't any coming. I contacted lots of spell caster as i saw them on
    the Internet but all were scams as they demanded money from me
    frequently and nothing happened. i had to relocate from Texas city
    United state to Jamaica where my mom was residing and also because i
    became racially abused because of my color .I spent 4 months with my
    mom and together we kept on looking for solution still to no avail.
    There came a faithful day when i met my high school mate who knew i
    was happily married and living in Texas city United state with my
    wife and had to ask why i flew back to Jamaica. I explained my
    problem to her and with sincere desire in wanting my problems solved
    she led me to DR JAMIN ABAYOMI. Although i was doubtful but soon as i
    explained my problem to him,he laughed and gave me a maximum of
    72 hours for my wife to come back and for she go give birth. I
    did all i was asked to do which included me traveling back to Texas
    city United state. I traveled back to Texas city united state,on my
    arrival during the early hours of the morning,my phone rang and guess
    who?it was my wife who called asking for my forgiveness and saying
    she was coming back home. She came few hours later and on her knees she
    pleaded for forgiveness. Although it was a tough decision for me to
    make because of all the pains i have been through. I love her and
    needed her back so i had no option but to forgive her. We sat together
    and while she was resting her head on my chest we had romantic
    conversation and talked about things that we have never spoken about
    and like husband and wife the urge came to have sex and we had sex for
    a very long time that day. The next day which was still within the
    72 hours given by DOCTOR JAMIN ABAYOMI she felt something different in her
    body and immediately she went for a check up and to our greatest
    surprise,she was pregnant. How possible could this be but it happened
    and am very thankful also my skin color that made me racially abused
    was changed to the preferred and now we are now happily married again
    and no racial discrimination. All thanks to DR JAMIN ABAYOMI for his
    THAT DR JAMIN ABAYOMI isn't on the Internet so kindly contact him via