Saving My Life

Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I Believe

When I was in first grade, I had a friend named William. William and I really liked eachother and we were the best of friends. Everyday on the playground, we'd run to eachother, hold hands, and play tag. In the mornings when we'd get off the school bus, we'd have to sit in the hallway while waiting for our teachers. One day, William's older cousin came up to us in the hallway. She began preaching about how "Blacks and whites ain't supposed to be together. It's against God!!"  I said, "Uh Uh! That's not true! William isn't black! He's brown!" lol. (shrugging shoulders) That's the way I saw things. Well, anyway, eventually William and I ended up in different recesses than before so we didn't get to see eachother as much, but one day his class was lining up as my class was going outside to play. He motioned for me to come over to him. When I was in reach, he planted a huge kiss on my cheek. I remember being on Cloud 9....I was so happy my friend thought enough of me to give me a huge smooch. Well, my teacher saw the whole thing. I'll always remember that teacher's name and her pretty smile. Her name was Ms. Judy. Ms. Judy and I talked about William and I explained to her how good a friend he was. Well, she began to give me a treat every morning to take down to William's classroom....every morning without fail. I'd knock on William's class door and his class would watch every morning as William and I carried out our everyday ritual of mutual respect and gratitude for one another. My family moved very often when I was young. We moved about once a year until we moved to Charlotte the summer before I turned 12.  Anyway, we had to move again...and it was in the middle of the year. On my last day, William's whole class came down to my classroom w/ a going away gift and card. William and I hugged, and said our goodbyes. I look back at it now and those two teachers must have been profoundly affected by William and I. Even back in 85 there were still strong feelings on the matter of interracial relationships...of any sort, well at least here in the south. Those ladies saw the innocence behind mine and William's friendship...they understood we saw the color, but just that....color like you'd find in a crayola box....no preconceived notions of racism.
   Hate is taught....plain and simple. I grew up around racist grandparents. I was taught to just overlook the nasty things they'd say. I was taught to overlook the nasty things other people would say. I was taught to be numb...b/c there was nothing I could do about it...so I thought. There were hints of it in the man I married, but I was taught to be numb...and so I was. I know now what's really there....and I'm not sure that it's only hate. I think it's fear...fear his father planted inside him. My husband told me he'd never change his thinking...even if it is a flaw. He told me he wouldn't go to my brother's wedding if he and Niki survive this long distance period in their relationship. Remember Niki is Korean? I asked him if he'd disown our kids if they ever dated outside of their ethnicity....he said yes. I truly hope he's lieing.
    My mother told me to marry a Christian man....above all other traits...he had to be a Christian man. I was never taught to look for anything else. Magically somehow, if the man was a Christian man, everything else would be good...is what I perceived. Over the years, here where I live....an hour away from Charlotte in a small town, I've come to the realization hate still lives very alive and well in this little corner of the earth. There are people here who actually threaten their children's lives if they consider an interracial relationship. There are whites who believe since they are the majority, there should never be a black president. I was talking with a friend of mine from middle school a while back. He asked me where I live now and I told him. He asked me if I live in the city where the KKK started. I had no clue. Well, I recently researched it and found out Thomas Dixon Jr. originated here---just read the link. So, I understand things a little better now, learning lots of things in the past little while, and the more I find out the more it makes me understand I have some choices to make. And to think, a couple of months ago, all I was concerned about was my husband dieing before I could live enough life with him. (sigh) Amazing how so much has changed and amazing how my eyes have been opened. I will never be the same.
   Skin color is only skin color...melanin...which all people have in different amounts. People act according to how they've been treated. If you give a baby milk, then it will thrive. If you ignore a person, make them feel less than, tell them they aren't good enough.......then you'll reap what you sow. Plain. and. simple. There are bad people all over the world...many different colors. There are also good people all over the world...many different colors. There are intelligent people...many different colors. There are ignorant people...many different colors. ;)

8 comments:

  1. If you are a book reader, I am going to make a suggestion. Read GONE WITH THE WIND. I know it is very long, but it is chock full of historical information on the south and the Civil War and what came after. I think it will fill in a lot of the blanks for you about how southern people think. In other words, it will explain how it all started. Once you understand that, you have something that you can work with in order to get some perspective. It will change the conversation that you have with your husband. Why? Because you will say that his father thought this because his father this because of ________ and I get that. However, times have changed. They had good reasons to feel that way. Rehash the history with him. The thing is that now, as in today, there are bad people in every ethnic group and good people in every ethnic group. That is the goal you're shooting for in the conversation. In this case, you are going to have to outsmart him by literally outsmarting him. Know the history. As I said, Gone With The Wind will lay it out there for you. Not the movie. Read the book.

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  2. Hey Robin, I'm southern born and bred. I was born in Barnwell SC, have lived in Georgia a lot, have family in GA, have lived in NC since I was 11. It was in Beaufort SC that I went to first grade part of the time. My husband grew up in the south too. We're both history buffs as well so he knows as well as I do where this stuff comes from. I've chosen to embrace my way of seeing things and he's chosen his. That's pretty much what it comes down to. Gone with the Wind is a really great book...I agree totally. :) Thank you for the recommendation. You're a very caring person.

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  3. Sweetie; I give away my age, but I remember in the 60s, getting in the bus and the Black people were behind the caged in back area of the bus. I was little and I remember thinking "why do they get to ride in the back, I want to?" cause that's the part of the bus that gives you tickles in your tummy when you go over bumps. Then, I went to school and even in the late 60s our southern school had a regular water fountain for Blacks and a refrigerated one for the Whites. I used to stand guard while my Black friends drank from the cold water fountain in a school with no air-conditioning. It's hard to believe it was like that. It's as absurd as segregating "Harrys" or "Sarahs" or people with pierced ears... You are right about the fear. It's honestly what keeps people in religion, fear of hurting the family and breaking away. You are a very wise woman. I think you should see if you can find William and thank him for being such a good friend.

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  4. I wouldn't be able to find him. I can't remember his last name. It's ok...it's the memories that count. :)

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  5. Raised in Alabama and living in Georgia now , you know I know something about this. I had to override the voices of my mother and other family and make my own opinions . There was a lot of shouting going on. I hated it that she didn't want me to bring ALL of my friends over to our house.
    I love your William story.

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  6. Yes, I'm sure you do understand what I'm talking about PJ. :) Thanks.

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  7. Well, I got you again this Thursday. Don't get used to this treatment. Most people don't get hit week after week on HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY:-)

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  8. lol Robin. You spoil me rotten here lately...oh heck, who am I kiddin. I'm already rotten. ;)

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