Hi guys,
Some of you may have noticed I slashed my blog title in half. Well, when I originally began this blog it was supposed to be a sister blog to my other one called Winding Road. Well, it's already hard enough for me to get enough alone time to write on this one, so the other blog has just been sitting there. I've been putting all my thoughts and feelings into this blog here lately. I wanted this blog to be strictly for food logging, talking about feelings related to weight loss, sharing info about PCOS and keeping track of pounds lost. Well, a lot has happened in the past couple of months. I've been completely derailed by circumstances....and ya know, I know it's a real bummer to come to my blog and read my latest complaints about life, but this is where I am....right now. It's not where I was a few months ago. A few months ago, things were going better b/c I was still a bit blind about some things that were going on around me and in some of it I chose to be blind. I'm close to my 30th b-day now and it's like all of the sudden my brain is catching up with my age. I've got a lot of thoughts and I need someplace to put them. I hardly blog about PCOS anymore and the title "Saving My Life" is beginning to take on a broader meaning for me. It was only about weight loss then....now it's me fighting to live in every sense of the word. So, hence the change to just "Saving My Life". I'm sure I'll mention PCOS from time to time and this blog will still be about weight loss too, but it will also be a place for me to work out feelings about how I want to live my life. So, anyway, I just wanted to explain that. Thank you.
Saving My Life
Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.
I think that is a great idea Kim....you could really also call it "Living My Life"...you've already saved it...well your part of it anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to keep focusing on you, you, and you. A past therapist of mine said I have the "disease of please" because of my focus on pleasing others at my own expense.
Your dear hubby may be trying to actively push you away because of his guilt of being a burden. Let him act out...no matter how it might frustrate you, just keep even about it and remind him that you recognize he is trying to push you away so that you won't have to suffer along with him...also remind him, though, that you don't intend to go anywhere, but certainly hope that he changes his tact so that your existence with him is more comfortable while you continue to love and care for him.
Sure...there is going to be a limit to what you should accept...he isn't done going through his process, though....be patient.
Big hugs, Kim.
Sweetie, we're all on the crazy ride of life together and you can buck this bronco or tiptoe around in a tu-tu, but we'll be beside you for the ride. You are absolutely accurate about it being more than just weight loss. It's about claiming your genuine life. I learned that now that I started living my genuine life and the weight is melting off me. I'm working out 90-120 minutes a day vigorously without a day off, and I am determined like all hell. I also don't need to binge or miss food for comfort at all. I feel in control of everything and that shows in my body and eating habits. I ate to replace lack of love from my husband, but now that I don't care at all if he loves me and I know I don't love him, I feel a strange lightening in my being. I am being myself, no longer having to be what he wanted me to be and in my rebellion, I fell in love with myself, lost my addiction to sweets and am losing weight. It's never about the weight. That's a side effect of something else. You're a wise 30, sweetie--very wise!
ReplyDeletethis post is the best part of blogging in my option too!
ReplyDeletethe fluid ever evolving nature of it all.
MizFit
I left you some comments on your previous post yesterday. Just checking to make sure you got them...
ReplyDeleteGosh, I had no clue Robin! I'm so sorry! I had moderation on before and didn't realize you don't get notices about comments without moderation. I'm so sorry guys! I didn't realize anyone left comments on either post. I'll go read them. You guys made me cry, but in a good way...thank you guys so much. I really needed a blog hug. :)
ReplyDeletehey kim.
ReplyDeleteI am going to tell you something here. REad t his post and the last post.
Your mother IS self absorbed.
You have to get to the point where you know who you are.
There is only one way to do that.
by spending time with yourself.
Taking care of yourself.
Making yourself a priority.
it is very hard.
Your mom...and this is a hard thing to say.
Sounds like you mom loves herself.
There isn't room to love anyone else.
I know how it feels to never have a relationship with your mother that you wish you had.
You have to let the imaginary one go.
Put your energy into finding out what you want.
You are so focused on what makes everyone else happy that I would bet, dollars to donuts, you haven't stopped to ask what makes you happy.
Who fills you up.
Who, when you talk to them, makes you feel better as a human being.
If you don't have a friend like that, find one.
If you don't know what you enjoy. Figure it out.
and I swear to God, stop listening to bitter...frustrated, and pathetic people who can't stand to see someone else progress and be happy.
They aren't worth spit.
They will suck you dry.
Hugs to you.
Keep on moving forward. You are saving your life.
@Kyle--Thanks. Sometimes I wonder if he is pushing me away, but then another part just says this is how he's been all along. Now that I'm not putting up with it though, it's making life harder for both of us.
ReplyDelete@Miz--Yes, that's what the blogging experience is about....changes. :) Thanks.
@Chris--I know you understand so well. I think I already know who I want to be, just not sure how to do it...and just not sure which way is the right way. Thanks for your great input Chris and you are right...with my mom...I have to put away the imaginary.
wow reread my comment...that sounded angry. I was angry. I haven't been that angry in a while.
ReplyDeleteI guess I always end up wishing people...especially parents would pull their heads out their @sses and support their kids.
Nothing makes me madder than seeing someone completely bail on someone else. Your mom bailed and is continuing to bail. You deserve better is all. hope your day is going good and you are feeling good too.
Thanks Chris, I'm actually in some pain right now...it's not too bad though. Sorry if my post hit a nerve...I know I've been full of hurt here lately. It's coming out in my blogs b/c that's one of the only places I know to put it. It helps me to prepare for the real life version of what I need to say. :) Thanks for checking in on me. I've been reading your posts...and I'm glad you are back. :) Take care sweet lady.
ReplyDelete