Saving My Life

Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Have been on a Blogcation

Well, I think it's obvious from my last post I had a lot on my mind. At the point of hardly having any sleep, the mind can't stay focused I'm learning. I have so much stress right now. When David and I used to talk about the possibility of him having Huntington's, it felt different. It felt like we were talking about it like you would do a drill in school for hurricanes. It's something we didn't have to worry much about, but you still did the drill anyway....just in case. Now that I'm beginning to see symptoms and the fact that he's withdrawing more, it's made life a bit lonesome here lately without my best friend. Fortunately, I've had friends to talk to over Facebook and the phone. It's helped distract me and it's even helped me to reconnect with people I used to love talking to and it's helping to enrich my life with activities. I've gotten to know one friend better and she and I will go to lunch soon so we can meet eachother in person for the first time ☺. So, there's been a few positives from all this. David is off work now and I plan on talking to him. I've been extra loving here lately and he's responding well, but still a bit aloof. So, I'll have to wait for the right opportunity to talk with him.
   On the flipside of this, I've got other things going on that are less than wonderful. My dad is losing his house. I just found out from my brother the other day. My brother lives with him and the house is a money pit that my dad cannot dig himself out of. My brother has been approved for a house and wants my dad to come stay with him. My dad is pitching a fit over this and told my brother he'd never talk to him again if he moved out of the house and that he should stay to help my dad save the house. The house is 1000 dollars a month w/ 120,000 left to go with leins and fines against it. It's not worth saving. Well, I didn't know my brother talked with my dad and got a call from my dad this morning. He was fishing for information and I didn't know what I could tell him. I ended up getting into an argument with him b/c he said he wouldn't let my brother have any of the furniture basically b/c he wanted to manipulate him into staying w/ my dad. I told him that is just silliness and he shouldn't try to manipulate. My dad all but hung up on me. He told my brother he didn't want to speak to me for a long while. My brother has paid 15,000 alone this year for my dad's bills. I've supported my dad in many ways too and this is what we get. My dad had gotten so much better with his pride issues but here lately I see him becoming the man I used to hate. It breaks my heart. My mom hardly has anything to do with me and now my dad is starting to go away too. It's hard being parentless in this sense especially b/c I know they are "there" but they're not "there". Know what I mean?
  So, I've been taking a little blog vacation. I will get back to normal programming most likely tomorrow. I think I'll sleep better now that David is back in our bed and I think I'll sleep even better once some of this drama dwindles down. My TMJ has been absolutely horrible and I think I may need a root canal from a recent filling I had done. I've barely been able to function these past several days and need rest...good rest and time to myself so I can get back to my normal, sane, healthier self.
  I've enjoyed time with my kids here lately. They keep me going in the biggest way. I love them to no end and they truly do complete me in ways I can't describe. So, when I'm not dealing with the pain, the worry, and the sadness here lately.....I've spent wonderful days with my children. Some of the best therapy I've had is my little son lying in my arms kissing my cheeks and playing in my hair. He thinks my hair is a hiding place and he surrounds his head with my hair and lays on my chest. How could that not be such good therapy? :) So, even through the hurt....there have been good days.


  1. hi kim, well no wonder you're going through a 'bummer' phase.

    i had to look up huntington's to fully understand your post, and man, i feel for you - that must be rough. the family stuff too - especially when you're wedged in the middle of it - can be so draining.

    don't be too hard on yourself. i know that when i feel stressed or blue, my energy to focus on looking after myself is pretty much at zero . . . try your best to keep at it though, as hard as it might be. sounds like your life needs you to be strong right now.


  2. they gotta keep on keeping on.

    And...if it means that you take a vacation from the brother and father too...that is alright as well.

    You got enough on your plate.

  3. Hi Blogsticks, thank you for your support. Yes, Huntington's is a horrible way for someone to die b/c you slowly deteriorate. You lose yourself...every function...very slowly. So, looking at the possibility of my husband having it and he's showing a few early's basically rocking my world. I'm ranting on here a lot b/c it helps relieve some of the pressure and you're needs me right now. lol

    Kyle, it's amazing that I'm still a non smoker through all of this. :) lol Be proud of me! I have no effin clue how I'm doing it. My brother and I are actually very close...super close so there's no stress in mine and his relationship. I love him a lot. It's my dad stressing us out that's the problem and yeah...probably going to have to take a vacation from my dad. Thanks for looking in on my Kyle...means a lot. :)