Well, I think it's obvious from my last post I had a lot on my mind. At the point of hardly having any sleep, the mind can't stay focused I'm learning. I have so much stress right now. When David and I used to talk about the possibility of him having Huntington's, it felt different. It felt like we were talking about it like you would do a drill in school for hurricanes. It's something we didn't have to worry much about, but you still did the drill anyway....just in case. Now that I'm beginning to see symptoms and the fact that he's withdrawing more, it's made life a bit lonesome here lately without my best friend. Fortunately, I've had friends to talk to over Facebook and the phone. It's helped distract me and it's even helped me to reconnect with people I used to love talking to and it's helping to enrich my life with activities. I've gotten to know one friend better and she and I will go to lunch soon so we can meet eachother in person for the first time ☺. So, there's been a few positives from all this. David is off work now and I plan on talking to him. I've been extra loving here lately and he's responding well, but still a bit aloof. So, I'll have to wait for the right opportunity to talk with him.
On the flipside of this, I've got other things going on that are less than wonderful. My dad is losing his house. I just found out from my brother the other day. My brother lives with him and the house is a money pit that my dad cannot dig himself out of. My brother has been approved for a house and wants my dad to come stay with him. My dad is pitching a fit over this and told my brother he'd never talk to him again if he moved out of the house and that he should stay to help my dad save the house. The house is 1000 dollars a month w/ 120,000 left to go with leins and fines against it. It's not worth saving. Well, I didn't know my brother talked with my dad and got a call from my dad this morning. He was fishing for information and I didn't know what I could tell him. I ended up getting into an argument with him b/c he said he wouldn't let my brother have any of the furniture basically b/c he wanted to manipulate him into staying w/ my dad. I told him that is just silliness and he shouldn't try to manipulate. My dad all but hung up on me. He told my brother he didn't want to speak to me for a long while. My brother has paid 15,000 alone this year for my dad's bills. I've supported my dad in many ways too and this is what we get. My dad had gotten so much better with his pride issues but here lately I see him becoming the man I used to hate. It breaks my heart. My mom hardly has anything to do with me and now my dad is starting to go away too. It's hard being parentless in this sense especially b/c I know they are "there" but they're not "there". Know what I mean?
So, I've been taking a little blog vacation. I will get back to normal programming most likely tomorrow. I think I'll sleep better now that David is back in our bed and I think I'll sleep even better once some of this drama dwindles down. My TMJ has been absolutely horrible and I think I may need a root canal from a recent filling I had done. I've barely been able to function these past several days and need rest...good rest and time to myself so I can get back to my normal, sane, healthier self.
I've enjoyed time with my kids here lately. They keep me going in the biggest way. I love them to no end and they truly do complete me in ways I can't describe. So, when I'm not dealing with the pain, the worry, and the sadness here lately.....I've spent wonderful days with my children. Some of the best therapy I've had is my little son lying in my arms kissing my cheeks and playing in my hair. He thinks my hair is a hiding place and he surrounds his head with my hair and lays on my chest. How could that not be such good therapy? :) So, even through the hurt....there have been good days.