Saving My Life

Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Do You Sleep?

Gah, well, I don't sleep much at all lately. It's 4am...I'm still up and that's how it's been a lot lately. Too much going on emotionally...can't seem to get my brain to believe me when I say it's beddy by time. So, in honor of my insomnia....and I just may be a BIT dilerious at this point....I'm gonna share some of my very mediocre (well..maybe a little less than mediocre) karaoke w/ you guys. Don't you feel like you've won something?? lmao I just can't help appropriate is the title of this song?? lol I know I've been such a bummer here lately, so I thought I'd give you something to make ya laugh. :) Although, thinking about this might send you running to the hills...hmm..probably overthinking it. lol Hey, I think I heard a little while back that not having enough sleep is almost equivalent to being drunk....hmm. I don't even remember having fun...and, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna regret all of this tomorrow. Wow, yep...sounds about right. Ba dum chhh! Wondering if randomly placing "Ba dum chhh!" through out this post will make anything a little funnier...ya know...the drum sound you hear after a funny joke?  I made those damned brownies....with flaxseed meal to try to make up for some of the guilt I'll feel tomorrow. Well, they turned out like I don't have to feel to guilty. Karma is a mofo and her name is Hodgson Mill Ground Flaxseed....a few bites of those brownies had my TMJ flaring up so bad! Ba dum chhh! Anyway, I did ok for most of the day, but then night comes....and David's on third. Left all by my lonesome to think. I'm super busy throughout the day, so at night is when I start thinking. Then I try to distract myself with conversations with my friends on Facebook (thank GOD I'm not the only homeschooling night owl)....and then old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix. Then, I start thinking again...when really I just should have blogged all this crap when I first began the "thinking". (sigh) I'll be glad when David is off work. I really want to talk to him...a little scared though b/c I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk about Huntington's, but it's all I can think about lately. I just need him to tell me not to worry and that I'm ridiculous b/c I'm thinking about all of this several years too soon and that his arm was NOT swaying and that he in fact really was shivering when it was 80 degrees b/c he's a skinny man w/o much fat to keep him warm and he will stay around to grow old with me and that it's absolutely proposterous to think about having that 3rd baby after he's gone b/c he'll still be alive spending his retirement with me in some slummy RV traveling America wearing really big sunglasses with retarded looking Hawaiian shirts (he'd never wear one cliche' imagery going on in this weird brain of mine). This is totally unreasonable....I know...he's the one potentially dieing and I'm the one wanting comfort and thinking about stupid stuff. Ba dum chhh! No...not all. (sigh)☻It's strange...I keep feeling this urge of self pushing away from him and then I get a stupid cartoon picture in my head of me putting my heart in a jar and placing it on a shelf in an old timey pantry. Then, I realize how much that picture doesn't even come close to the person I truly am...and doesn't come close to the love I have for him. Then I go kiss him and hug him until he's annoyed. Today was different...he pulled me close when I least expected it....wondering what he was thinking about at that moment.  Anyhoo...

**Get ready for really fast subject change** Whoosh!

If you find my karaoke funny or want to hear some really, really, bad stuff...let me know...b/c I can share much more. How about my rendition of "Head Over Heels" by the Go-Go's or some Californication by the Chili Peppers? I'm up for suggestions...if it makes ya laugh. I'm digging a bigger hole for myself aren't I? Oh well. (shrug)

The way it's supposed to sound.....

Ok, so if you made it through the karaoke, and my really bad self inflicted pity party, don't feel like you've lost anything b/c I'm gonna share my NSV with ya...

Remember when I bought this?

Well, I finally decided to wear it today....I think it's cute. It'll fit even better after I lose a few more pounds.  ☺☺☺

Yes, I took a picture at Wal-Mart b/c...what did I tell ya guys? I quit smokin and now I'm getting addicted to taking random, stupid pics of myself....and b/c Wal-Mart has better full length mirrors. (cheesy grin) I think the shirt fits a little better in this pic than the first one. What do ya think?hmmm.
You can't really see them in any of the pics, but I found these pink earrings that are Angel wings....I love them b/c it reminds me of where I'm trying to fly to next on this journey. To new beginnings....and better tomorrows. Laters Gators.


  1. That pink shirt is cute on you! I can get to sleep but wake up every morning super early. I usually just get up and get some things done!

  2. Yes, there is a definite difference in the fit.

    Well, I don't know you well enough to scold you about keeping late hours BUT it does have an effect on weight loss and mental clarity. Lack of sleep can cause depression as well.

    Hope you get some rest tonight :)

  3. How long will you go without decent sleep!?!?
    Do you sleep anymore? Is that your voice? Cuz if so, it's pretty good.
    I listened to all of it.

    And the post was like reading a dream.

  4. I love the pink shirt, Kim, and YES! it definitely fits more loosely now.

    hahaha ... taking random pics. Ain't that the truth. I think you can blame quitting smoking a wee bit but being a blogger probably is the REAL reason! :D

    I had some of the best nights blogging while up all night drinking espresso. But I wouldn't make it a habit. It catches up with you.

    Be well, sweetie. Rock the pink shirt!

  5. Thanks for all your comments guys. :) Fit, I've been putting some of them on my facebook too. lol. A lot of them I don't even do anything with. I'm just getting to where I like taking random photos now....of just anything. lol
    I didn't plan on making this post. I was watching TV and wrestling over my concern for my husband and eventually decided that writing would probably help. I really, really wanted to be in bed. lol But yeah, I have had some good blogging on late nights....but not here lately. :)

  6. Heh, I've been watching Buffy on Netflix too. I was just at Walmart, and I thought, I am so not buying any more clothes. I have a closet full of stuff that if I just lost a few more pounds, would fit me and are already paid for. It's hard to walk away from something cute in my size when I find it, but I resisted! lol I just love your hair, btw.

  7. Thanks Aunt Juicebox. :) I know what you mean about clothes...since I've been losing weight and taking care of myself, I'm always looking at clothes and finding something cute that I wanna take home. lol