Do You Sleep?

Gah, well, I don't sleep much at all lately. It's 4am...I'm still up and that's how it's been a lot lately. Too much going on emotionally...can't seem to get my brain to believe me when I say it's beddy by time. So, in honor of my insomnia....and I just may be a BIT dilerious at this point....I'm gonna share some of my very mediocre (well..maybe a little less than mediocre) karaoke w/ you guys. Don't you feel like you've won something?? lmao I just can't help myself...how appropriate is the title of this song?? lol I know I've been such a bummer here lately, so I thought I'd give you something to make ya laugh. :) Although, thinking about this now...it might send you running to the hills...hmm..probably overthinking it. lol Hey, I think I heard a little while back that not having enough sleep is almost equivalent to being drunk....hmm. I don't even remember having fun...and, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna regret all of this tomorrow. Wow, yep...sounds about right. Ba dum chhh! Wondering if randomly placing "Ba dum chhh!" through out this post will make anything a little funnier...ya know...the drum sound you hear after a funny joke?  I made those damned brownies....with flaxseed meal to try to make up for some of the guilt I'll feel tomorrow. Well, they turned out like bricks...so I don't have to feel to guilty. Karma is a mofo and her name is Hodgson Mill Ground Flaxseed....a few bites of those brownies had my TMJ flaring up so bad! Ba dum chhh! Anyway, I did ok for most of the day, but then night comes....and David's on third. Left all by my lonesome to think. I'm super busy throughout the day, so at night is when I start thinking. Then I try to distract myself with conversations with my friends on Facebook (thank GOD I'm not the only homeschooling night owl)....and then old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix. Then, I start thinking again...when really I just should have blogged all this crap when I first began the "thinking". (sigh) I'll be glad when David is off work. I really want to talk to him...a little scared though b/c I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk about Huntington's, but it's all I can think about lately. I just need him to tell me not to worry and that I'm ridiculous b/c I'm thinking about all of this several years too soon and that his arm was NOT swaying and that he in fact really was shivering when it was 80 degrees b/c he's a skinny man w/o much fat to keep him warm and he will stay around to grow old with me and that it's absolutely proposterous to think about having that 3rd baby after he's gone b/c he'll still be alive spending his retirement with me in some slummy RV traveling America wearing really big sunglasses with retarded looking Hawaiian shirts (he'd never wear one btw...total cliche' imagery going on in this weird brain of mine). This is totally unreasonable....I know...he's the one potentially dieing and I'm the one wanting comfort and thinking about stupid stuff. Ba dum chhh! No...not funny....at all. (sigh)☻It's strange...I keep feeling this urge of self preservation....me pushing away from him and then I get a stupid cartoon picture in my head of me putting my heart in a jar and placing it on a shelf in an old timey pantry. Then, I realize how much that picture doesn't even come close to the person I truly am...and doesn't come close to the love I have for him. Then I go kiss him and hug him until he's annoyed. Today was different...he pulled me close when I least expected it....wondering what he was thinking about at that moment.  Anyhoo...

**Get ready for really fast subject change** Whoosh!

If you find my karaoke funny or want to hear some really, really, bad stuff...let me know...b/c I can share much more. How about my rendition of "Head Over Heels" by the Go-Go's or some Californication by the Chili Peppers? I'm up for suggestions...if it makes ya laugh. I'm digging a bigger hole for myself aren't I? Oh well. (shrug)

The way it's supposed to sound.....

Ok, so if you made it through the karaoke, and my really bad self inflicted pity party, don't feel like you've lost anything b/c I'm gonna share my NSV with ya...

Remember when I bought this?

Well, I finally decided to wear it today....I think it's cute. It'll fit even better after I lose a few more pounds.  ☺☺☺

Yes, I took a picture at Wal-Mart b/c...what did I tell ya guys? I quit smokin and now I'm getting addicted to taking random, stupid pics of myself....and b/c Wal-Mart has better full length mirrors. (cheesy grin) I think the shirt fits a little better in this pic than the first one. What do ya think?hmmm.

You can't really see them in any of the pics, but I found these pink earrings that are Angel wings....I love them b/c it reminds me of where I'm trying to fly to next on this journey. To new beginnings....and better tomorrows. Laters Gators.