Hi all, sorry I've not been doing well getting my posts up. Between blogger acting up, kids, husband being off work, wanting to read everyone else's blogs (I follow so many! lol), and quitting smoking, it's been a little difficult to get things on here. I was working on my first vlog, using my cell phone, but the sound is messed up once I get the video loaded on here. So, I'm going to play around some more until I get it. I will have some time here soon to put out all the thoughts I've been having. So stay tuned for that....there will be good stuff. I promise. :)
Ok, you're probably wondering by now "Are you still nicotine free???" and the answer is friggin YES! OMG, you would not believe how I've overcome tempation. My hubby still smokes and he's been off for two days. We'd used to go out on the back porch together and that's usually when I'd tell him about stuff that's going on....since when he's off he's usually playing video games or doing something online. lol. He'd go out to smoke these past couple days and I thought I'd go nuts! Well, I asked him to run our daughter to music class for me yesterday and to take ALL cigarettes with him so I wouldn't be tempted...and so I'd have some time to do things around the house. Well, I started going through my drawers to get rid of old clothes and found my nursing pads from when I nursed both of my babies. They occasionally got used to clean spit up in a pinch granted they were clean nearby in a basket. I don't know why, but I guess I wondered if they'd still smell like my milk or my babies. They smelled like my son when he was a newborn and it sent me into tears! I cried and cried over not being able to have anymore babies. If you want to know why I can't have anymore, read this post. I still understand why we had to do it, but it's still hard. I'm not a cryer...well I wasn't a cryer until recently. It seems that I used smoking as a way to cover emotions and not let them loose. My dad was always telling us not to cry when we were little. I think I understand now why I took such great measures to not cry as an adult....even when I truly wanted and needed to cry. Anyway, it was nice to have a moment where I could *genuinely* grieve for my loss. I needed it and felt better afterward....even if during the big cry I really wanted to smoke. I keep telling myself the same messages "Never again" and "YOU can't just smoke one" and "This is so you can live for you and your family". The self talk is definitely helping....and lots of deep breaths. lol.
Anyway, my eating has been good. I did really well yesterday and am looking forward to losing this last damn pound so I can reach a loss total of 30lbs. lol I know it's not far.
Here's what I ate yesterday....
Breakfast: Leftover Tortilla bake (1 1/2) Get the recipe over at Nutmeg Notebook. Tami's recipes are healthy and fabulous....easy too.
Lunch: small salad (butter lettuce, baby carrots, chopped broccoli, cranberries, sprinkle of cheddar, 2tbsp. Newman's Own ranch, 3 all natural turkey slices)
Dinner: fruit smoothie (mango, papaya, pineapple, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, flaxseed meal, raw walnuts, Naked green juice, oj, pomegranite juice), whole wheat sandwich thin, 2tbsp. almond butter
lots of green tea and water ☺ I am slowly making it around to all of your blogs and will have more time tonight to post some stuff granted I don't fall asleep from sheer exhaustion from everything I have to do around here. lol See you guys soon, thanks for the support, and look forward to talking to all of you soon. :)
Saving My Life
Anything I post on here about PCOS or any other condition, is general information or information I've accumulated in my experience having PCOS or other conditions. I'm not a doctor, so nothing I say should EVER take place of a real diagnosis from your doctor. My eating plan described on this blog is one I've made for myself and I'm constantly changing it according to my body's needs.
Wow! I didn't know that you were quitting smoking while still having a smoking spouse! You are really the makings of a great success story...you stick with it no matter what the hubby does, says, etc. Without intending to be cruel, partners sometimes have a tendency to sabotage the other because of their own insecurities and shame in continuing their bad habits (eating, smoking, drinking, etc.). You may need to brag on your progress here and not really talk much to the hubby about it. Don't put it in his face. Hopefully, someday he'll come around and quit too, especially for the children's safety too. Stay strong...you'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's what I'm doing. :) Actually, my husband is super supportive of it and the thing is we both have went back and forth in the past with quitting, but then we'd have an arguement and we'd both start smoking again. lol. It's always better if I'm the one who quits first (which hasn't happened in a long time until now) b/c I'm the bitchiest when I come off the nicotine, however, this time I've not been bitchy so it's going well for him. I'm sure after I've been quit after a while he'll follow suit. He wants to eventually quit too. :) I think in the past it's been worse when we both quit at the same time...we're at eachother's throats. lol. This time he gets to be the sane one while I'm quitting...it's better this way. The kids need one fallback parent. LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnd hey, I'm already a success story...don't know what you're talkin bout. LOL! :oP I'm just climbing the success ladder to an even higher success status. lol! Heck, considering what I came from...even at my current weight and my current state of being it's 80 times better than when I was younger. lol! Read this if you haven't: http://savingmylife-kim.blogspot.com/2010/04/april-6th-2010-food-log-and-addiction.html
Thanks though, and you're right...this story does have the makings of a true success story. :) Thanks for the support Kyle. :)
Smells can be such powerful reminders of things ( and as a non smoker your sense of smell is going to become very heightened in a couple of weeks). I once came across one of my grandmothers handkerchiefs that I had stored in a ziplock bag, and I held it up to see if it smelled like her. It did- a mix of Ivory Snow detergent, Niagra spray starch and my grandfathers Lava hand soap. All at once I was a little girl in her kitchen, talking to her, and remembered that it had been 20 years since she died. That fact made me miss her so much I thought there was a huge cavern where my heart should be. I can relate to your experience with the nursing pads- hugs !
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you! I can't really relate to quitting smoking. I never have smoked. But, my mom did for years and it was so hard for her to quit. But, she did. I can imagine how much harder it is with a smoking hubby. Good luck! You can do it.
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