Scratch

I know it's been a long time....a couple of months actually. I stop by with intentions of writing, but I've had so much going on in the past while, blogging just hasn't been up there on the list. I needed to get my shit straightened out. Things are going really well for me at the moment....which is probably why I haven't blogged as well. I'm almost afraid to admit I'm happy b/c I'm afraid that it will get messed up for saying so....like some big cosmic joke or something. I know that may seem stupid, but it is what it is.
   So far I've lost 14 pounds. I quit smoking again....4 days now. I redecorated my home and we had some remodeling done. I'm keeping the place clean with ease....which is strange b/c this hasn't happened for me in a long time. My son just turned 4 which is probably the reason. He's calmed down a whole lot...not destroying my house anymore. Laurel's doing well in school. I switched her over to a computer program this year b/c I needed an "easy" button with all the chaos that has been my life. We just found a new homeschool group last week....all inclusive. I'm very excited about this b/c we haven't been in a homeschool group since my old one broke up. We have a fieldtrip with them on Tuesday. ☺☺☺
    As for David and I.....we're slowly healing....or I guess I should say I'm slowly healing. David has been doing pretty well. I've seen him try harder this time than I've ever seen him before. He kinda scared me a couple weeks ago though with a few actions. He just got up one morning and went to church....to the church I hate...where they make fun of gay people. I told him I was upset b/c he didn't even let me know he was considering it. He apologized....and went back to the same place that night while I was gone. He left my sick son with my brother who was visiting at the time. I jumped his case again and told him he needed to communicate better and there was NO way we were going to that church with him. We finally compromised and I explained how I freak out every time he starts going back down this road....b/c it's a very narrow road he travels. He assured me there was no reason to freak out and then the next day $176 worth of relgious self help books arrived to my house. I was pretty pissed off. I pretty much let him know exactly what was on my mind. We again compromised. I told him I'd visit one last Independent Baptist church with him, but if it doesn't work out, he's going to have to try another denomination. He seems ok with this. Other than this, things have been pretty good. We've had a very regular sex life, he tells me how much he appreciates me all the time, and when I talk to him, he responds in full sentences without brushing me off. He's communicating a lot better. I no longer say, "When you cheated on me...". I call it the "incident" if we ever have to bring it up. So, I'm trying.....hard....and he is too. We'll see how things go.
   I just wanted to get back to living. Last year was one of the hardest years of my life....chronic sickness for 4-5 months, marital problems, husband cheating on me, separation, cancer scare....it was a very bad year. I just needed time to get my life back in order. Blogging about all of it was like tearing the bandage off slowly. I just needed to do it without acknowledging it....it made things a lot less painful. It almost sounds like I didn't want my life to get back in order...but, what I mean is I wasn't sure if I wanted this life with David anymore. I had to make a conscious choice to just do it....to take my losses and move on. I saw how much it would affect my kids if I left....my daughter told me constantly. I had to do it for them if for nothing else. So, I did. I'm glad....b/c now I know that I want this life. Well, I at least want more more try at it. David knows....I won't stick around if it happens again. So, I'm taking one day at a time...starting over from scratch.