Trying Again Like It's the First Time

Hi, my name is Kim and I am food-aholic. They say the first step in solving a problem is admitting you have a problem. So...there ya go, I am fat...very fat and I'm going to die at an early age if I do not do something about it. I haven't been at a healthy weight since I was a toddler. I have been on almost every diet imaginable. As a matter of fact, my first job was at Jenny Craig. Most people assume that fat people know very little about healthy eating or healthy living...which may be true for some people, but any fat person that has been fat for a long length of time usually has a great deal of knowledge about healthy eating because they've usually tried many diets. It is the bad behaviors that create the trouble for us....also bad genes. In my case I have many factors working against me. I could sit here and tell you about how my dad used to make me bring him the scale to weigh me once a week and how it made me panic. I could tell you how he used to hide cookies from me so I wouldn't eat them, while the rest of my family would indulge secretly. I could tell you that I wasn't told I was very pretty very often at all when I was young....the only time I'd get compliments is when I'd lose weight. I could tell you that almost 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Polycistic Ovary Syndrome and it's the reason I'm fat. I could tell you that I hate the attention from men I receive when I am skinnier.  I could come up with so many reasons why I'm fat and tell you no reasons why it matters at the end of the day because I am still fat and the excuses do not change it. I have forgiven and forgotten my trespassers. I have a healthy self esteem and I do not think I'm ugly. I have PCOS, but I know there are things I could be doing to combat the effects of having it. I just need to do it. I have not tried to lose weight steadily in several years now and I have gained a massive amount of weight.
    Many women are unaware of a condition called polycistic ovary syndrome. It affects 5% of women and is the chief cause of infertility amongst women. It often goes undiagnosed for a long period of time.  PCOS is a common disorder in women in which the ovaries produce an excess amount of male hormones (androgens). Symptoms of PCOS include irregular or no periods, acne, obesity and excess hair growth. This disorder often prevents ovulation, leading to infertility. Insulin resistance is a condition that is often linked with PCOS (in which I have). Insulin resistance is the body's inability to respond to and use the insulin it produces. Insulin resistance may be linked to obesity, hypertension, and high levels of fat in the blood. Basically I have too much insulin. My body is not very sensative to it anymore. Insulin is what helps your body turn sugar into energy. Since my body is not very sensative to my insulin, the sugar that I take in goes into my cells and is turned straight into fat....eventually it will turn into Type II Diabetes. I gain weight very easily and can gain large amounts very fast. I never understood why I would lose weight and my body would stop losing and never seem to get over the plateau. Every diet ended with frustration and me quitting...which wasn't a good thing. When I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was pregnant with my son and I almost miscarried him b/c of this condition. I now know that with exercise, lower intake of carbs and sugar, and taking the right medicine or supplements can help control this condition. This blog will serve as a food log, weight loss tracker, recipe holder, feeling/behavior diary, a way to keep me accountable through other bloggers, and information about PCOS. Let's get the ball rolling! (sigh) urgh.