tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post7543696629914281096..comments2023-09-30T07:19:22.053-07:00Comments on Saving My Life: ExplodeKimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13717571306196215906noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-64398100829950519922011-02-08T18:16:02.373-08:002011-02-08T18:16:02.373-08:00Leaving you something on my blog. You need some i...Leaving you something on my blog. You need some inspiration...Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-44766574457919152422011-01-15T22:09:51.218-08:002011-01-15T22:09:51.218-08:00Thanks guys, I'm sorry I haven't come by t...Thanks guys, I'm sorry I haven't come by to read comments here lately. I hadn't any clue you guys had left a few more comments. I will write soon...promise. :)Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13717571306196215906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-85753902279991814872011-01-06T02:35:50.235-08:002011-01-06T02:35:50.235-08:00Hey Kim.... just wanted you to know that you are m...Hey Kim.... just wanted you to know that you are missed. Hope things are going good for you. (((hugs)))Shaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01948277077324368336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-15305000788167638222011-01-01T11:55:14.887-08:002011-01-01T11:55:14.887-08:00Wow, you sound like me a couple years ago. Since t...Wow, you sound like me a couple years ago. Since the divorce, I have to admit that I am shocked at the depths to which my psyche went to in order to "not see" the things I didn't want to deal with. I wanted to be in a loving marriage, so I overly loved him thinking that if there was love in the relationship, it was mutual, but none was received back. I tried to ignore that and ignore his general controlling ways and meanness and inability to ever ever ever make one compliment and his picking on my weight gain and inspecting my housework. I had to twist myself inside out. Every night, I lay in bed, I would think about death. Not that I wanted to die, but that I was scared I would die, having never been really loved, told something nice about myself, kissed, comforted, never picked where I live, never been to Europe, on and on the list of regrets got and the clock ticked and I entered my latter 40s. The day I moved out, I went to bed in an apartment. The first time in 47 years I had been on my own ever. I thought I would have trouble sleeping. Instead, I fell into a deep wonderful sleep. I did this every night. Then, I realized something. I no longer ever ever thought about death or how it would suck to die. I could now see all those dreams I grieved happening at my own hands. It sucked where I was, but I never knew how much until I left. Then, I realized what I had put up with and instead of being angry at myself for putting up with it for 26 years, I was proud of myself. It said a hell of a lot that I was that loyal that long and that strong to find happiness and light in my own way to survive the blight. You will get a perspective but it only comes with being at a distance to see it. I'm with you if you need me.Sharon Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13609356325356264202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-63760980452492226222010-12-31T08:05:35.445-08:002010-12-31T08:05:35.445-08:00This will take time to get over. But, there comes...This will take time to get over. But, there comes a point in time where you just have to forgive and not look back. Easier said than done...I know. I am so sorry that you are going through this. But, you are handling it. It is only natural that you should feel angry. You are hurt. Hang in there and keep writing. It doesn't matter if it is "positive" or not. Letting it out can help you move on. Hugs to you and Happy New Year.Shaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01948277077324368336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-68432479814318701882010-12-20T21:36:57.202-08:002010-12-20T21:36:57.202-08:00And Robin, I really hope whatever I'm not feel...And Robin, I really hope whatever I'm not feeling isn't something dead inside of me...I have thought about this often.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13717571306196215906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-25131306002825660922010-12-20T21:35:34.291-08:002010-12-20T21:35:34.291-08:00And Chris...you are right..I definitely need to ge...And Chris...you are right..I definitely need to get to the point that I don't want to hurt him anymore. Gah, I feel so retarded even feeling this way b/c it does not come naturally to me...to wanna hurt someone.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13717571306196215906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-53972145543349091002010-12-20T21:33:23.955-08:002010-12-20T21:33:23.955-08:00Thanks you two. I still respect David, but I am st...Thanks you two. I still respect David, but I am still angry with him. And it's not to say I haven't lost a little respect for him, but when I say things to him it's not me calling him names or anything. It's me telling him how I still don't trust him and me telling him how I felt during the time we were separated...I think things he needs to hear. But, I definitely need to work on not being so angry...it's killing me. Thanks for the reassurance Chris. I'm glad to know that it's possible to rebuild. Makes me hopeful.<br /> Thanks Robin. It's nice to know I'm getting better. lol. I haven't been able to tell. lol Merry Christmas to both of you. xoxoxoxoxoKimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13717571306196215906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-51463200799030816432010-12-20T21:06:22.161-08:002010-12-20T21:06:22.161-08:00love and respect can be rebuilt. I know, It has ha...love and respect can be rebuilt. I know, It has happened in my marriage. But you do have to get to a place where you stop hurting him. Getting to a place where you draw lines he can't cross. Very good and not optional. You can lose all the love for someone and get it back. You can.<br />It takes time.<br />Hang in there.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13708815560712267698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2003329950316418360.post-5726980022997031202010-12-20T20:42:32.869-08:002010-12-20T20:42:32.869-08:00At least you have forward momentum going. That is...At least you have forward momentum going. That is better than where you were before (stalled out). As for not being able to love him the way you did before... this is a toughie. If you work on rebuilding this thing together, your love could be stronger. I have heard of cases like this. But it takes two and a lot of hard work. However, if he killed something inside of you that you know in your heart of hearts is dead and not coming back... well, all of the therapy in the world isn't going to change it. You can forgive. But you cannot create love where there isn't any. Most of all, you can't create respect where there isn't any. And if you don't RESPECT the man you are with, you can't love him. How do you love someone you don't respect? Think on that a while. There are so many things that can be rebuilt. Trust can be rebuilt with time. You can even work on being kinder to each other. More thoughtful. You can make declarations of honesty and adhere to them. But respect is fundamental. And when you find your new therapist, if you think this is a sticky piint for you, it needs to be addressed. Understand the difference between feeling disprespected and having lost all respect for someone. Two totally different things. A person can stop disrespecting you (that is them and the way they treat you). The other is a feeling YOU have about THEM. And it isn't always easy to "dig out." All that said... I say it with love and my desire for you to feel good about you. Read your last post and then this one. You are soooo much better. Not you and David. You. Hurrah. xoxoxo. Merry Christmas.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.com